


Like Shattered Glass

by AndYetNotBeingDisenchanted



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Lost Love, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Cardassia, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 21:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12329385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndYetNotBeingDisenchanted/pseuds/AndYetNotBeingDisenchanted
Summary: Julian doesn't know what he was thinking.The only thing that Garak knows is that Tain tends to be right.





	1. Chapter 1

Julian watched Garak leave sickbay, he dropped the tricorder he had pretended to be so interested in throughout the duration of their conversation, he couldn’t breath, he could feel his entire world crashing down around him. Garak was probably back in his quarters and Julian was just standing, staring at the doors to sickbay, his mouth opening and closing like that of a fish stranded on land. Garak was right of course- he was almost always right, “You’re done with me.” Garak had said, his voice would sound strong to anyone else- anyone but Julian, who knew his mannerisms by heart and couldn’t mistake them anywhere, Garak was hurting, hurting like glass had shattered inside of him and he couldn’t inhale to deeply for fear of cutting himself open, “You’re not going to deny it, so it’s true.” Garak looked away from Julian- Julian wouldn’t look at him, after all, why shouldn’t he return the favor? “I have to say, Doctor, you said you wouldn’t tire of me, and I trusted you. I trusted you unabashedly and you betrayed that trust.” Julian hadn’t said anything, he just kept scanning whatever it was that he was scanning, “I love you Julian.” Garak said, his control crumbling as he said it, and he walked out.

Then Julian had come to his senses, watching the sickbay doors like something would jump out of them- like Garak would burst back in and Julian would be able to apologize a million times over. Julian swallowed thickly, the war was over which meant- without Julian to tether him to the station, Garak would be going back to Cardassia, to the planet he loved. Julian sank down to the floor, asking himself what was wrong with him. Why hadn’t he stopped him?  _ Because you know it wouldn’t work out _ , a voice that sounded distinctly like Ezri said, like Ezri when she was knowledgeable and confident like Jadzia, precocious and provocative like Curzon, calm and collected like Torias, compassionate like Lela,  _ Or at least- you don’t think it would work out, maybe you think you’re no good for him so you’re sabotaging that relationship _ . Julian leaned into the cold counter in sickbay.

“Fuck.” he muttered, squeezing his eyes closed, “I’ve ruined everything.” Something inside of him questioned that, but it was immediately shot down,  _ It took five years of coaxing and a massive reveal of your most coveted secret for him to even hold your hand. You’ve destroyed that. When was the last time you even tried to talk to him? _ Julian cried into his hands, he cried until Nurse Jarbara found him curled up on the floor and sent him home to recuperate.

  
  


Garak looked at the boxes lining his quarters, at least he would have a fresh start, it had been a long time coming, of course, most things were, Garak was just too hesitant to let himself see it. Tain was right - much to Garak’s dismay - Tain was right, Tain was right when he said Garak had lost his edge, he was right when he had said that Garak had gotten soft. Most of all, he had been right when he said he shouldn’t get too close to Julian. The boy’s feelings were superficial, Garak should have seen it from the sheer number of girlfriends he went through, but he hadn’t he had been blind to that as well.

Maybe Kelas would welcome him back to Cardassia with open arms, Tain had suggested Garak look him up, and clearly, Tain tended to be right. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak returns to the station years later.

When Julian sees him his breath stops. Stops dead. Julian had woken up, it had been an ordinary day, completely ordinary, or at least it seemed like it. He had walked out of sickbay, taking turbolift and walking through deserted corridors as he had taken to doing. Garak was standing outside of his old shop, in it's place was a soap shop owned by an Andorian, an old woman with her king hair swept behind her back. She definitely wasn't Garak.

Julian didn't say anything, he didn't call out, he just watched Garak look at all of the soap. He was just turning away to go back to his quarters, to write off seeing Garak as another dream when the Cardassian called out to him, not with his name, but with his title.

“Doctor!” he called. Julian turned around to face Garak, biting his lip as he did so. He smiled as Garak walked up to him. His once jet black hair had become streaked with white and the scales around his eyes appeared to have softened, “Doctor.” he said again, quieter.

Julian didn't say anything, he didn't know where he would begin. He looked Garak up and down, hovering on the chain leading into his shirt. He lifted it out with gentle fingers, only grazing Garak's skin. It was an engagement pendant, Julian's breath caught at that, some part of him had held out hope, “I suppose congratulations are in order.” he said.

Garak smiled and shook his head, “It belonged to Kelas Parmak. My dear friend.” He looked at a point somewhere beyond Julian's head, “Not just a friend, we were engaged until he passed away this past winter.”

“I'm sorry Garak.” Julian said, trying to suppress the wave of hope that had surged.  _ A man is dead! _ He scolded himself.

“No. Don't be sorry, My dear.” Garak said, “It was an ill fated affair. I remained… attached to someone else.”

Julian didn't let himself hope, he just looked away, “How long have you been on the station?”

“I only just arrived.”

“How long do you plan on staying?”

“I haven't decided.” Garak smiled, grasping Julian's shoulder in a decidedly intimate manner. “How have you been?” Garak asked after a long pause.

“I've been well.” Julian nodded, taking the silence as a queue to continue “Do you remember I told you about Palis Delon, my girlfriend from the academy days?” Garak nodded, “Yes well, she visited me. She was quite displeased, I think she thought I had met someone - to make me leave her.”

“Have you met anyone since?”

“No. I'm rather hung up on someone, actually.”

“Is that so?”

“It is.” Julian smiled, looking at his feet, “I need to apologise to you, Garak.”

“I assure you, my dear, you don't.”

“Well then, for my conscience.” Julian looked at Garak's blue eyes, “I never tired of you. I just got afraid.”

“Afraid? You? I doubt it, Doctor.”

“I was afraid of committing to you. I was so afraid.” Julian said, “I'm not even sure I knew at the time. Every day since I've thought about - about what a mistake I'd made and how hurt you were I just -”

“Let me cut you off there, Doctor.” Garak said. “I forgive you, I harbor no ill will towards you; though I do still love you, I must tell you that I will not engage in another relationship with you.’

“No - of course not. I'm sorry for suggesting it.”

“Don't be, my dear, you're simply lonely.”

“And in love with you.”

“No, darling, you're simply lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do t know if I'm going to keep writing this. Send me your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed. Please point out grammatical errors.


End file.
